Comfortable Communication
What comes to mind when you think of Thanksgiving? Is it turkey? Or maybe travel? No matter what you eat or where you go, Thanksgiving brings families together at the table. And that can bring some uncomfortable conversations to the forefront.
According to a 2024 YouGov poll, 31% of adults under 30 said it was very or somewhat likely that they’ll get into an argument about politics during their Thanksgiving dinner. In addition to political conversations, polls showed that 35% of Americans said it was likely or extremely likely they would talk about work or school at the Thanksgiving table. So, imagine this scenario: right after Uncle Jim praises the government shutdown in front of Aunt Esther, who works for the Commerce Department and has been directly affected…your son who is home from college on break announces that he’s failing a class. Pass the cranberry sauce and let the squirming begin.
We may not be able to solve any political problems, but there are definitely ways to make the uncomfortable communication around school more palatable for everyone. (See what we did there?) Whether you are a parent hearing an unpleasant update from your college student for the first time, or a student trying to figure out how to even have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents, here are some guidelines to keep in mind.
1. Check the judgment. This goes both ways. For parents, remember your own executive function skills – as the adult in the room, control the impulse to give an immediate strong reaction. Take a beat to process or even offer to table the discussion until you’ve had some time to think about your response. Approaching disappointing news from a problem-solving, growth mindset rather than shaming and blaming will go a long way towards actually being heard when it’s time to offer strategies. (And there are always strategies, right?)
Likewise, students who fear a strong reaction from their parents may opt not to share any information at all, resulting in an even worse situation when grades are reported and it’s too late to recover. Trust in your parents and academic support system (whether that’s tutors, coaches, or your professors) to recognize that it is both difficult and mature to turn to them for help when you are overwhelmed.
2. Establish guidelines. Whether or not things are going as hoped, Thanksgiving break is a great time to sit down as a family and discuss expectations around honesty and communication. Removing fear of the unknown – in this case, how parents will react to bad news about grades – can help keep the lines of communication open. It’s okay to acknowledge disappointment, but it’s equally important to come up with an actionable plan.
3. Focus on gratitude. Keeping in the spirit of Thanksgiving, sharing things that you’re grateful for can keep the conversation positive. Even the little wins are worth celebrating.
Working on strategies to improve social skills in the moment and curb impulsivity in your replies can help keep communication comfortable inside and outside of the dinner table – including in the classroom and with peers. If you are interested in more tips and strategies for comfortable communication, be sure to tune in to our November Facebook Discussion with EEG Coach Derrick Sherman, M.Ed., where this will be the topic of discussion.